


Our friendship isn't a lie

by Redpepperflake



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson (Broadway Cast) Actor RPF
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Celebrities, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friendship/Love, Loneliness, M/M, Panic Attacks, Social Anxiety, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 17:01:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19795156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redpepperflake/pseuds/Redpepperflake
Summary: Connor Murphy is a famous dude who has gone through some shit and Evan looks up to him. At one moment the two meet and become friends until the tabloids claim Evan knew Connor way before their friendship and was actually in a Murphy fanclub. Connor should have known 'pure sweet Evan' was all just an act to get closer to the celebrity.(It's a really small thingy I wrote because I literally just set a timer of ten minutes and this is what came out. The writing sucks but I kind of liked the idea so I'm gonna post it, all unedited).





	Our friendship isn't a lie

**Author's Note:**

> They gay bro, stop it, lol.

‘’YOU CAN NOT BE THIS GOOD AND THIS PURE. You’re straight up lying to me, just cut the crap out and tell me why you’re here,’’ Connor roared. Evan flinched and took a small step back.  
’’I’m sorry, I-’’  
’’Stop saying sorry.’’ Connor groaned.  
’’Sorry,’’ Evan said out of reflex, which made him want to cover his mouth and apologise again for apologising. ‘’S- I...’’  
’’Just go.’’  
And all Evan could think about was what might happen after he left. Would Connor cry it out once he actually believed he had proof of Evan’s lie? Would he ignore it and go straight back to work like the workaholic that he was?  
Would he kill himself knowing the only friend he actually had wasn’t even his friend?  
’’But I don’t want to,’’ Evan mumbled. He played around with his fingers, a nervous tick he’d had since he was a child. His hand were all scuffy from scratching.   
’’Well I want you to and guess what? This is my house, so you listen to me,’’ Connor mocked.  
Evan kept himself in check. Barely. He kept telling himself that he had to persist. He couldn’t back off now that Connor needed him the most. Fucking tabloids and their stupid lies about fake friendships... Look what they’d done now.  
Evan didn’t say anything. He just waited for Connor to add something else. Instead, Connor turned away from him and stalked to his kitchen. Evan slowly and unsurely, feeling like an intruder, followed behind him. Connor grabbed a can of sprite, his favorite drink, and he seemed actually surprised when he noticed Evan was still there.  
’’Just go away, please,’’ he said, but more in a desperate voice, tired of all that’s been going on inside his head.  
’’I think... I think I shouldn’t, erm, go, now?’’ Evan said in a cracked voice. ‘’I’m really sorry I really don’t mean to intrude,’’ and he nervously laughed. ‘’But I’m scared that if I go bad things will happen to you. Not like you look like a typical suicide person,’’ he added, ‘’But I just- uhm...’’ He grew quiet and waited for Connor to fill in the silence, but Connor just took a sip of his drink and stared at him which spurred Evan on to keep talking.  
’’I just... Whenever I get thoughts,’’ Evan mentioned to his head, ‘’It kind of just... Spirals? And I end up having a breakdown but my mum is home so I can’t really cry because she’ll hear and run in but sometimes during breakdowns I really want to scream and like... Ugly cry? And I just... If someone would be there for me before I even get a breakdown it would be nice and I think if I go you might... Or maybe not... I don’t know what do I know? But I’m- I don’t want you to have a breakdown because that’s really bad. And I don’t want you to think I faked being your friend because...’’  
’’Because what?’’  
Evan shifted his balance from one foot to the other and back.  
’’I was a fan before I met you. But it’s not why I love you. At least not because of your career or fame or... Anything. But I just ehm... You’re very nice to be around. And I want you around... More?’’  
Connor laughed and Evan laughed at his own inability to make sense of his words.  
’’You make me not have as many breakdowns as I used to.’’   
A sense of relief washed over him when he said those words and an actual genuine smile appeared on Connors face.  
’’You really are fucking pure as gold, aren’t you?’’  
Evan scratched his arm, not really sure what to say.  
’’If you still want me to leave, I will,’’ Evan said. ‘’But I just want you to know our friendship wasn’t fake for me and that I... Erm... Really like you. As a person, I mean. And I know I said I’ve been a fan of you for a long time but I wouldn’t have stayed if you were a bad person and I really care about you and I’m just scared that if I go something bad might happen or you might become sad or scared but if you want me to go I’ll totally go immidiately as soon as you say so I’ll go, sorry, I-’’  
And that’s when Connor Murphy kissed him. His eyes grew wide at first and Evan had totally convinced himself this was some stupid joke Connor and Jared set up, but then Connor pulled away after Evan didn’t kiss back and he had a sad look on his face, and his face grew red and he suddenly avoided all eyecontact.  
’’I shouldn’t have-’’  
But Evan had already liften himself onto his tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek, not quite sure he was able to kiss him on the mouth and not wanting to overstep any boundairies.


End file.
